aralli: (aniseed)
aralli ([personal profile] aralli) wrote2013-01-28 08:02 am
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Aniseed: A prayer

Lady of Justice, hear my prayer.

I’m sorry. I broke my oaths. The ones I swore to the Defenders, to the Kingdom, to every person on my patrol, to you. I have failed you, and Yara paid the price for my failure.

I should have listened to the warning you put in my heart. I should have insisted, pushed that it was me who went, not her. It should have been me facing those Dark Druids, not a defenceless, gentle woman who never stood a chance. I could have checked the body just as well as her. There was no reason why I could not have gone.

If there even was a body. I suppose I should be praying for you to show those druids that are still alive the horror of lies and untruths, and the foulness of the powers of Death, so that they will repent and turn to your light. So I do pray for that.

Thank you for telling Thyrian to tell me they needed me strong, not falling apart. Thank you for giving Alitae the strength to carry her awful burden. Thank you for giving me the moment I needed to talk to you, so that I could still serve.

Thank you for calming the vengeance in my heart. I am weak, and for too long I wanted to kill those Dark Druids, not because they broke the law, but to make them feel what they must have done to Yara. But you cooled my temper, so thank you, and I am relieved that when I saw that zombie, I was able to pray for you to ease his soul’s suffering, and not enjoy the horrors he must face on the Plane of Tortured Souls. Thank you also for helping me calm Wyld. It was your presence that he felt, not mine.

When the priests come to bring Yara’s soul back to our world, I ask you to release her with gentle love into their hands. Thank you for keeping her safe, and thank you for returning her to us.

I will ask her for forgiveness, and I do not ask you to change her heart so she doesn’t hate me for letting her die. I must feel the consequences of my failure, even if it’s the loss of a friend. I don’t know what she’ll think, what she’ll say, but … but whatever honest feelings she has, I will bear. I know Longford doesn’t think I was really to blame, and maybe I didn’t argue hard enough that I was, make the point clear enough. You and I know it was my failing that lead most strongly to her death.

I pray for your forgiveness, my Lady. I pray that my failures hurt only me in future. I pray for the wisdom not to make these mistakes again.

Peaceful heart, gracious mind.

I swear again, and I will not forget my vow: I will defend against suffering and injustice, and that which I cannot prevent I will take upon myself.

Forgive me.

With faith, I serve.

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